Fear.

Recently I've been feeling, I guess you can say, confused, down, upset, lonely; and all those other words that I don't like to say or that I am, or that ANYONE is satisfied feeling. I've realized I've been kind of loosing my self or getting farther away from learning and realizing who I am as a person. I've been reaching for that place for a long time now. Searching, searching, searching. Instead of reaching that place, I either get lost in a maze of emotions, or hit some big bumps along the way. Its easy to say that everyone should know who they are as a person from the time they learn to talk or communicate- but as you get older you learn that life is not easy. Not even close. When you're younger you have this dream of being a big kid- a teenager- a parent. When you've finally reached that point in your life; you no longer want to be that "cool" adult, you want to be that little kid that still has dreams and an imagination.

Being an adult is one of the hardest things I've ever been faced with. I have to make my own money, make my own decisions, learn from MYSELF and not others, keep friendships, hold a relationship, figure out what I'm doing with my life. So much pressure, So much commitment, So much work. HARD work.

Maybe I've been feeling this way recently because I'm realizing how so many of my friends are going off to college. They're all going to colleges that I could never get into, no matter how hard I tried. They have planned the next 4 years of their lives, while I'm sitting in the same place, not knowing what's going to happen.

confused, down, upset, lonely      

I'm not those things right now, i'm not any of those.

I'm scared.